INTER-RELIGIOUS MARRIAGE

In this era of individualism and sexual liberation, many constraints on the choice of marriage partners are being rejected. Sometimes this is a good thing. Christians should not continue to cling to prejudices against intercaste marriages. To do so is to forget the NT teaching that all are equal in God’s sight (Gal 3:28). But what about the constraints on inter-religious marriage?

Many in South Asia regard inter-religious marriage as not only permissible but even desirable; others, however, regard such marriages as a threat to their religion and their community. Christians have both embraced inter-religious marriage as a welcome sign that we are no longer shunned by the wider community and condemned it as unbiblical and sinful.

Those who advocate inter-religious marriage regard it as a way to counter religious fundamentalism. They speak of how couples in inter-religious marriages have found their lives enriched by the spiritual insights each brings and by the religious diversity they enjoy in the family. Such marriages, they suggest, teach us tolerance of those who are different from us. What is important to the success of a marriage is not religion but “love” or financial stability. They assume that religion will take a backseat if pushed into the realm of personal choice – neither partner has to convert to the other person’s religion, but both can follow their own convictions. For some, such marriages are to be encouraged as a necessary step to introduce an era of religious harmony.

But several questions remain. What do we do about the fact that our convictions are integral to our personalities? What we believe about ourselves and about other people shapes us and our relationships. To assume that religious convictions are unimportant is preposterous, especially in South Asia where religion is not merely a reality but the lens through which every other reality is interpreted.

And what about the children of such a marriage? It is often suggested that they can be taught both parents’ religions and left free to choose their own religion. While this seems liberating, for a Christian who desires a godly family with children growing in the fear and knowledge of God (Luke 2:52), it is far from an ideal environment to bring up children.

The advocates of inter-religious marriage also ignore the fact that beliefs of all kinds do not merely unite, they also divide. Sociologists have found that divorce rates are higher among couples from very different backgrounds. But the division is especially marked in the case of Christianity, where exclusive devotion to Jesus is at the heart of the Christian faith.

Despite the changes brought by Westernisation, marriage in South Asia continues to be a family affair. The bride often goes to live in the groom’s house with his family. Even if they live independently, family ties are strong. It will seem like an act of defiance if one partner is unwilling to participate in family rituals or opposes the family’s beliefs.

No wonder Paul asked Corinthians not be “unequally yoked” with unbelievers (2 Cor 6:14). In such a relationship, there is great pressure to compromise one’s faith. This is the point God made when he told the Israelites not to intermarry with those whose land they were blessed to possess (Deut 7:3-4). He warned, “They will turn your children away from following me, to serve other gods”. Centuries later, Ezra led the Israelites to repent of the “abominations” that had infiltrated the people of God as a result of mixed marriages with their neighbours (Ezra 9:1-2, 10-15). Samson and Solomon are examples of the type of compromise that arises from inter-religious relationships.

Some may object, pointing to examples like Zipporah, Esther and Ruth to suggest that God can use a believer to transform an unbeliever through marriage. However, the Bible offers very little information about the Midianite Zipporah’s faith post-marriage. Moses’ marriage is not held up as an ideal for others. Esther was chosen to marry the king for a particular purpose in an entirely different context from ours. Can God use someone like Esther? Yes, but those are exceptions rather than the norm. Ruth, on the other hand, made a choice to follow God (Ruth 1:17). One may marry hoping that the unbelieving spouse will change after marriage, but the odds are long and the stakes are high.

Some not only condemn inter-religious marriage but also encourage strong action to prevent it. The relationships between communities in South Asia are more complex than the myth of everyone living together in tolerance. An environment of mistrust often clouds relationships between communities. There is competition to see which group can dominate by having the greatest number of followers. Inter-religious marriage has been used to gain adherents for a religion and to reduce the numbers adhering to a different religion.

Thus inter-religious marriage is often regarded as a threat to the community and is met with family boycotts, social boycotts, heavy monetary penalties and even honour killing.

Christians should not imitate those who resort to social or physical violence to prevent inter-religious marriages. In fact, we should condemn such behaviour.

The Bible views marriage as a covenant that requires love and commitment. Paul acknowledges its sacredness, even when one spouse is an unbeliever. Writing about the situation when someone who is already married comes to faith in Christ, he advises the believer to stay in the relationship with the unbelieving spouse unless the other partner wants to move out (1 Cor 7:13-16). But both love and commitment become difficult when there are differences in fundamental convictions. “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3).

Charles Christian