Pre-Marital counseling

The importance of Pre-Marital counseling

Premarital counseling is the education and supportive advice rendered to people planning to marry. Premarital counselling mediate the shape of guidance and responses to queries covenant to a wide array of issues.

What is the purposes of Premarital?

There are three premarital purpose:

1.      Premarital counseling lays the foundation for the strong marital bound.

2.      It helps the couples in better preparing for the adjustments that will happened after marriage.

3.      It is an opportunities to learn about each other and about one self.

Why do we need premarital counseling? ( 2 Reasons)

1.      Not the previous marriages did not face the crises.

2.      Today’s context is unique because of the changing situation.

Gender, Level anxiety and stress multiple roles, multi-tasking, etc.

What are the key issue in premarital counseling?

1.      Family of origin- the family of origin in the family one has grown up. It is the place where people typically learn to become who they are. From a family of origin a person learns to communicate, process emotion, form values and belief.

1.1. Primary template- It is your perception of your parents’ marriage that determines how you have internalized your primary marriage can played.

1.2. Marriage template- Marriage template is nothing but the way you thing a marriage should be conducted, the way you behave with your partners and the way you expect the partner to behave with you. In other words it is how to define a good husband and wife.

2.      Adjustment issue:

2.1. I we space: I refer to recognizing the fact that each partner in a relationship is entitled to have they are own baggage of attitudes, believes, likes and dislikes, prejudices and interest that are you need an individual. We- Space can be define in five aspect of different question.

1.      How much do you value your marriage and your partner?

2.      How much priority are you willing to give to your marriage and your partner?

3.      How much time are you willing to give your partner for your marriage?

4.      How much are you willing to share of yourself? (Self-disclosers)

5.      How do you establish the boundaries between the marriage space and boundary space?

3.      Communication: there are nine aspect.

1.      Communication requires time.

2.      Listen to your partner, what he/she says.

3.      Talk to each other, not act each other.

4.      Talk through the issue not around.

5.      Communication is not always about solution.

6.      Men and women are communicating differently.

7.      Communication is not always about agreement

8.      The use of ‘I’ and ‘You’ words.  

9.      Avoid words like “Never” and “Always”.

4.      Finances: Four aspect

1.      Work after marriage

2.      Who handles the finances

3.      How will decisions taken.

4.      Who sets the priority

     5. Sexuality:

·         Gives good Christian literature

·         Get advice from elderly couples who are strong in their marriage.

6. Conflict resolution: Enable the couple to develop skills to fight fear.

7. The issue of Children:

8. The issue of religion and spirituality: Church involvement and daily faith practices.

How do you do Per-marital counseling?

1.      Pre-marriage education: where are you going as a couple? How do you going to walk together? It provides an opportunity for a couple to work consciously towards the viable system of hoping with areas that required understanding from a couple rather than an individual point of view?

2.      Pre-marriage assessment: This stage builds on the pervious stage. It is an assessment for a preparness for couple for marriage. It is awareness for the strength and weakness of the couple.

Three categories

2.1. Non-negotiable List: must not maximum 3 point.  

2.2. Necessary List: 4 or 5 things.

2.3. Desirable List:

3.      Pre-marriage counselling:

3.1. In adequate expression of feeling:

3.2. Poor anger management or negotiation skills:

3.3. Confusion about the place and sex in marriage:

3.4. Lack of knowledge about household management:

3.5. Package from previous marriage:

3.6. Marriage as the form of escapism: pastoral role is important. Not only the identifying the weakness but also encourage the strength. SBT

4.      Marriage as the form of escapism: pastoral role is important. Not only the identifying the weakness but also encourage the strength. SBT (solution brief therapy)

5.      Spiritual preparation: we also speak the faith and aspect of spiritual. Explain the role of faith in marriage. Teaching Biblical understanding of marriage.

6.      The weeding Event: Planning, arrangement, preparation, etc.