Biblical Counselling

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from far away.

You search out my path and my lying down,

and are acquainted with all my ways. Psalm 139:1-3  

Many pastoral encounters will entail some form of counselling. But few parish ministers, elders and pastoral care workers will be accredited counsellors or indeed have had any formal training in counselling. That is okay, provided that they operate strictly within the parameters of their own clearly defined roles and levels of competence. To this end, it is helpful to make a distinction between pastoral counselling and professional counselling. Pastoral counselling takes place in the context of a pastoral relationship, which itself is imbedded in the life of a pastoral community, which we call the church. It will utilise the tools of scripture, ritual, prayer and community support as appropriate. It will have a strong faith component, consistent with its focus on the “cure of souls”. By way of comparison, professional counselling is more interventionist, specialised and contractual. A key lesson to learn for those engaged in pastoral counselling is when and under what circumstances professional counselling should be recommended. 

Some people who are referred to a professional counselling service will indicate a preference for a Christian counsellor. This usually reflects a desire to meet with someone who will respect and perhaps even share their own faith-based worldview and who will not regard as irrelevant certain tools of faith like prayer. 

What are the basic skills of pastoral counselling? Most people involved in this area of ministry are likely to list the following sorts of things: 

1. Deep listening: This involves not only hearing the words that are being spoken, but reading body language, hearing what is not being said, interpreting what you are hearing, and discerning what underlying issues there might be. It means listening with respect, focusing totally on the person who is speaking to you, and not jumping to conclusions.

2. Deep questioning: This will include asking questions of clarification and questions that encourage self-reflection and the expression of thoughts and feelings associated with the matter(s) being talked about. It does not mean that you can only ever ask questions and never offer advice or share from your own experience, but do so sparingly and never to the point of dominating the conversation and making it all about you. Sadly, there are far too many occasions where people being counselled have come away from such conversations saying that they seemed to be more about the counsellor’s agenda and issues than theirs.

3. Being self-aware: This includes: (1) Knowing your own value and belief system (there is no such thing as value-free or belief-neutral counselling); (2) Knowing (as far as you are able) your own needs, limitations, vulnerabilities and unresolved issues, and being able to say when a line of conversation is taking you outside your comfort zone and beyond your area of experience and competence.

4. Respecting the sanctity of the pastoral conversation: This might necessitate assuring the person with whom you are talking of the confidential nature of the conversation, and at a certain point in the conversation seeking their permission (for specified reasons) to disclose to the minister or some other appropriate person the nature of the conversation.

5. Offering prayer as appropriate. Prayer can change lives. Prayer has the power to transformed us.  As A.B. Simpson  says, “Prayer is the link that connects us with God.” In Counsellling we must connect with God. Prayer is The World’s Greatest Wireless Connection and it links with the Creator far beyond the skylink. We should never underestimated the power of Prayer in Counsellling.

6. Keeping safe through: (1) Supervision; (2) Adhering to a code of pastoral ethics; (3) Maintaining appropriate distance and avoiding emotional co-dependence; (4) Not allowing yourself to be in a situation where you might be compromised or lay yourself open to accusations of ethical misconduct.