CHECK YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR

We want everyone else to stop being toxic, but we rarely review our own actions. The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself, so there’s no excuse not to break free from your own toxic ways. So it’s important that you can identify any toxic tendencies you might have and that are hurting others – or yourself.

When we’re annoyed or upset, we assume that everyone around us is fine. We excuse ourselves for acting in unkind ways by blaming our mood, not realizing that other people might be going through a tough time themselves.

This can bring other people down, which means that not only are you feeling hurt, but now someone else is, too.

Even those who believe they’re leading by example often forget to review their own actions, as demonstrated by an experience I’ve had myself. If you’ve seen my Instagram page, you’ll know I post quotes and advice. What you might not know is that quite often my words are lifted by other social media pages and reposted as someone else’s inspiring words. As flattering as it is to see my words and thoughts being shared by people, it’s not satisfying seeing my watermark being removed and no credit given to me.

Always review your behaviours and

make an effort to change any that are

toxic – towards yourself or others.

This isn’t only how you grow, it’s also

an act of self-love. You’re showing

yourself that you deserve better than

the behaviours limiting your progress.

What really strikes me is that there are a number of pages promoting positivity to huge audiences that have still refused to correct their mistake.

If I feel that I’m right, yet someone else

feels that I’m wrong, who is right?

But even when you think someone’s overreacting, you must try to understand the root cause of why they feel the way they do. Usually it’s because you’ve violated one of their personal values. And if someone says they’re hurt by your actions, you must believe they’re hurt; you can’t decide for them whether or not they felt hurt in the first place.

I’ve learned this with my partner. Sometimes I take my jokes too far and cause offence. If she then bravely admits her vulnerability to me, the worst thing I can do is make her feel bad for opening up to me by being defensive and shifting blame onto her. You can’t tell someone that their feelings are invalid. You have to try to seek understanding first. Identify why they feel the way they do and then see what you can do to make it better.

This is important for all relationships. We’re all different and we all deserve respect for our feelings. Acknowledging and understanding someone’s pain not only allows you to learn about them, but also helps you to grow. You’re not expected to be flawless. We all make mistakes. But you must be willing to learn, grow and remain respectful.