THE POWER OF A GOOD PARTNER

Create a relationship where you talk to each

other about your problems, not where you talk

about each other on social media. Statuses don’t

fix relationship issues, honest conversations do.

Sometimes in relationships, one partner will punish the other due to their own insecurities. They make the other feel like they have flaws, just to cover up their own limitations and to achieve a sense of superiority or authority. These relationships are often very unhealthy and toxic. They can make the one being punished question themselves and feel low or empty inside.

For example, if you think your nose is too big and then you notice your partner being friendly with someone who you perceive as being attractive, you may notice their nose is smaller and draw a comparison. As you focus on the idea that their nose is better than yours, you may feel a rush of negative emotions such as jealousy, doubt and hatred. As a result, your self worth, confidence, and even energy, decreases.

Your mind may also suggest hideous ideas to you, such as your partner finding them attractive because their nose is perfect. You may then take your pain out on your partner, accusing them of flirting, even if it was completely innocent. You’ll project your insecurity onto them and imply that they’re malicious, they lack love and they’re disrespectful. This is emotional manipulation, where instead of taking responsibility for your own emotions, you take them out on someone else.

You’ll ensure your partner also feels your pain. You’ll question their integrity and morals, trying to convince them that they’re sinister. You’ll point out everything that’s wrong with them. This only leads to conflict, where even more insecurities may be exposed, damaging words exchanged and potentially devastating actions produced. But you need to understand where your actions are coming from. Is it your insecurities, or because your partner has been acting in toxic ways? Ultimately, this ends in pain.

Alternatively, your partner may have been genuinely flirting. In some relationships, this may be acceptable. In most, however, it won’t be.

Although you can’t demand respect from someone, you can extract yourself from situations in which you’re not respected.

That said, there are plenty of healthy relationships that are full of insecurities. But they must contain mutual respect and support. Partners should be honest about their insecurities, open to working with each other to improve them and respectful enough not to hurt the other or use their insecurities against them. All relationships require work. They require endless communication and tremendous understanding, and they can be very challenging. But while giving up isn’t always the answer, sometimes you have to walk away, especially when you lose your sense of self.

Sometimes you have to break away

from the toxicity so you can heal.

Unhealthy relationships drain all the goodness out of us. We give everything to someone who just won’t match our efforts and willingness to try. We empty our love bank to make them feel wealthier, while we become broke. We give ourselves up to someone who doesn’t respect us enough to treat us well in return.

You don’t have to be an expert to realize that relationships should be empowering. They shouldn’t consistently make you feel limited or lacking. You should never be feeling empty in a relationship, especially if it’s to make someone else feel full.

Sometimes, we love the idea of what someone could be, or what someone is momentarily; we love their potential. In fact, if you reflect on your past with a serious ex-partner, there was probably a point where you thought that they were the best thing ever. Later, you may have found out that they weren’t quite what you expected them to be.

None of us is perfect, so no relationship is perfect. But it’s easy to fall into the trap of hanging onto people because you see their light and their potential to be a great partner; however, deep down you know that you’re clinging to false hope. If you’re with someone who isn’t willing to get better, you may be wasting your time.

You can’t change those who

aren’t ready to change.

You also have to ensure that they’re not pretending they want to get better. This tactic could be used to build false hope, so that you stick around for longer. Of course, this is a selfish act and it’s characteristic of someone who’s unwilling to reach their full potential.

I completely understand that it might be painful to leave a toxic person who you love; getting out of a toxic relationship is much easier said than done.

That’s why many stay put and entertain the negativity for as long as they can. But you’re worth that temporary pain.

Sometimes, people will settle for inadequate relationships because they believe they won’t find someone better, or that the task of finding someone new and rebuilding something from scratch is too long and difficult. Their intuition will tell them that they deserve better but they won’t courageously act on it.

Here’s an example that might help you figure out whether you’re in a toxic relationship. Someone once asked for my opinion on their relationship.

They were having problems with their partner and didn’t know if they should walk away. I don’t like telling people what they should do in their relationship because I’m not in it and can’t see the full picture. Someone can describe it to me and I can make assumptions, but the choice is ultimately theirs.

So I flipped it around and asked this person what they’d advise their daughter to do if she were in the same position. This gave them pause for thought. I already knew what they thought they should be doing – but they needed me either to justify it or talk them out of it. The decision scared them, so they were avoiding it. Yet when I asked this question, they realized they already knew the answer.

As a parent, you have natural protective instincts over your child. Even if you don’t have a child, you can probably imagine it. You’d care about them so much that you wouldn’t want them to get hurt and miss out on any joy.

This person’s gut already had the answer, even before they asked me for my advice. I always tell people to trust their instinct, because that’s their soul whispering advice to them.

You’ll know it’s your gut when you have a

sense of almost knowing you’ve arrived at

the answer without a reasoning process.

When you think a certain thought, you’ll get a strange little feeling in you belly, and that’s what I believe is your intuition. It’s one of the best guidance systems around!

Even your most dominant thoughts aren’t necessarily your intuition speaking, because they could be rooted in fear or desire. Intuition is a calm feeling and gives you a reassuring sense of detachment. Sometimes, it will feel like something inside you is urging you to take note. It’s almost physical.

Just remember, a relationship should add value to your life and bring you good vibes the majority of the time. Relationships that are toxic will deflate your psychological health and even your physical wellbeing.

Don’t be in a relationship for the sake of being in one. If it’s time to say goodbye, be brave and do it. It might hurt now, but it will be the source of something greater in the future.