Hospital Visiting

A significant aspect of pastoral care is visiting people when they are in hospital. Such visits are seldom straight forward. In many hospital wards visitors, including clergy, will be expected to observe visiting hours. Often the person you are visiting will be in a room with other patients, making private conversation and prayer very difficult. Often your visit will be interrupted by nurses, doctors and other medical specialists doing their rounds. Sometimes you will arrive for the visit only to find that the person you have come to see is away having tests or is asleep. Sometimes the capacity of the patient to receive a visit will be compromised by the medication they are on or by their physical and mental state. Sometimes the patient’s control over their bodily functions will be limited, and you will be exposed to sights and sounds that are embarrassing for you both. In sum, you need to approach hospital visiting with flexibility and sensitivity. Respect the context!

In his book, Pastoral Care in Hospitals,[1] Neville Kirkwood, provides a helpful list of temptations to avoid, including the following:

1. The temptation for the visitor to become the focus: Visitors often make the mistake of talking too much about their own periods of hospitalisation, sometimes to keep the conversation going or to show that they understand what patients are going through, but great care needs to be taken not to make oneself the main object of attention.

2. The temptation to out-talk the patient: Some visitors are uncomfortable with pauses in conversations and long silences, and fill them by talking. It is tempting to take the lead in conversations where patients are having difficulty conversing, but they may become distressed and anxious when they are not being heard because visitors are talking over them all the time.

3. The temptation to provide solutions: A visitor’s job is not to identify a problem and then to suggest a solution. Nor is it to organise the patient. Enfeebled by illness, the patient often presents a picture of helplessness. This can trigger in the visitor maternal or paternal instincts that lead to smothering the patient with over-concern or trying to “sort out” their problems.

4. The temptation to take over the role of relatives: Where patients have no interested relatives or friends, offers of help can be much appreciated, but in other situations offers of help can usurp the role of relatives and lead to friction. Before offering to help, find out what support network the patient already has, and think about how your offer to help will fit within that context. Respect the wishes of the patient.

5. The temptation to give pat answers: Don’t be like Job’s friends who offer simplistic responses to his plight, including the old chestnuts about it being the Lord’s will or some sort of punishment for sins committed. Even when the patient is wrestling with deep personal questions such as, “Why me?” an immediate answer is not necessarily being called for. Listen for what lies behind

the question. Often it will be a plea for understanding and compassion, in which case your mere presence and empathy will speak more loudly than any answer you might be tempted to give.

6. The temptation to stay too long: Hospital patients will often be tired as they suffer from a lack of sleep and their bodies adjust to whatever surgery or treatment they are undergoing. They might also have had a stream of visitors already. Be alert to their energy levels. Generally speaking it is better to aim for a short visit, but to be available to stay longer if asked to do so.

In your own experience of visiting people in hospital, have you experienced any of the above temptations?

What other temptations might you want to add to the list?

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[1] Neville A. Kirkwood, Pastoral Care in Hospitals, New York: Morehouse Publishing, 2005, Chapter 8