FALLING IN LOVE TOO QUICKLY

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS FALLING IN LOVE TOO QUICKLY? WHAT DOES IT MEAN IF A PERSON EXPERIENCES THIS OFTEN?

Storyline

I’m madly in love with my boyfriend, and we’re talking about getting married. My friends think I’m crazy, since we’ve only known each other for about six weeks, but our relationship is perfect! The only thing that makes me a little nervous is that in the past, I have been IN A RELATION with two other men, both within the first three months of meeting them. Am I falling in love too fast? How do I slow down?

You are a bona fide “Love-at-first-sight junkie”!! You are addicted to falling in love, and the instant high it gives you, especially in the beginning of the relationship. Love-at-first-sight junkies are in love with love, and it doesn’t usually take much for you to feel it. Once you get hooked on a new partner, your mental faculties seem to all but disappear, and you say things like “our relationship is perfect” when the truth is, you hardly know the person. And that’s the point. You don’t really want to know him, because if you did, you’d have to take him off of his pedestal and see him as a flawed human being, and that would ruin your fantasy.

I wouldn’t even call what you’re doing “falling in love.” It may be more like “falling in lust,” or an infatuation with who you think the other person is. You are so commitment hungry that you are looking for a commitment rather than looking for a good relationship. True, some people do know the moment they meet their partner that it is right, but in your case, you’ve made a profession of instant love affairs, so I am pretty sure this isn’t the real thing. And the problem is that once the relationship does become more real, and you are forced to deal with all of the challenges every couple faces, you become disenchanted, feel like you’ve “fallen out of love,” and break it off, right?

There are two issues you need to deal with. First, why you keep doing this, and second, what to do about your present situation.

Let’s talk about the why. Love-at-first-sight junkies are usually people with very wounded hearts. When you were small, you probably did not have the loving family you wanted, and in some way felt rejected, abandoned, or not good enough. You grow up with this huge, unfulfilled desire to belong, to have someone, anyone, there for you, to fill the emptiness you’ve carried inside you for as long as you can remember. And it doesn’t take much to fill this order.

A person comes along, usually someone who is also desperate to feel wanted, and you latch onto each other like two drowning sailors who just discovered a plank of wood floating in the ocean.

If you ever want to have a truly healthy and lasting relationship, and I know you do, you are going to have to face the demon you’ve run from your whole life: your pain. You’re in need of intense emotional healing work. Stop hiding behind your infatuations, and find the courage to look within. There you will find the answers to all your questions and, ultimately the love you’ve been seeking.

Now, about your boyfriend. You don’t necessarily have to break up with him. Hopefully, you can both do this emotional work together, and actually begin to create a real relationship. But whatever you do, do not live together and do not get married.

Don’t even talk about it. Slow down. Date each other, and get to know yourself, as well as the other person. Day by day, week by

week, your relationship will grow, slowly, like a tree sprouting from a seed, planting its roots firmly in the soil.