IS IT RIGHT TO STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT RIGHT FOR YOU?

IS IT RIGHT TO STAY WITH SOMEONE EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW INSIDE SHE’S NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU?

Storyline:

I’m in a terrible situation. I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for two years, and I know she is madly in love with me and wants to get married, but I don’t feel the same way. I love her, and we have a great time together, but I’ve always known she’s not “the one” I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want to hurt her by telling her this, and it seems so foolish to break up when we are doing so well. What’s the right thing for me to do?

Let me get this straight—you are in relationship with a woman who’s crazy about you, but you know she’s not enough for you, so you continue to lead her on and give her hope by staying when you secretly long to leave… and you call this “doing so well”? Maybe you’re doing well, but she’s doing terribly, or at least she would be if she knew that the man she adores doesn’t feel the same way about her. I know you claim you don’t want to hurt her, but the truth is that every minute you steal from her life is hurting her; every moment when she lies next to you, believing she is safe and secure in your love is hurting her; every time you selfishly decide to stay one more week or year since you’re enjoying yourself, knowing that you’re staying on false pretenses, you’re hurting her.

This woman wants the same thing most women want: to find a partner she can trust to love, honor, and cherish her, and to live with that person happily and faithfully for the rest of her life.

Believe me, your girlfriend never secretly dreamt that, one day, she’d meet a man who would mislead her into believing she’d finally found her soul mate, only to discover after several years that he’d known all along she wasn’t “the one,” but never got around to telling her. That is every woman’s nightmare, not every woman’s fantasy.

You say “it seems foolish to break up.” Let me ask you: foolish to whom? To you? Why should you give up a comfortable situation before you have to? Is that what you consider foolish? Do you think if your girlfriend knew how you felt, she would agree that it would be “foolish” to end the relationship? I’ll bet that she would have other, less polite words to say to you, and that the only time she’d use the word “foolish” would be in describing how she felt living with a man for two years, yet never suspecting that he had no intentions of ever marrying her.

If this answer sounds harsh, it is intended to be. Would you want someone to do this same thing to you? I think not. So do what is right and honorable. Tell her the truth, now, and leave. Sorry… there’s no way to leave and have her not feel angry and betrayed. That’s your karma. And don’t delude yourself into believing that by staying, you will avoid hurting her. First of all, not hurting her has never been your motivation for being there; fulfilling your own, selfish needs has been your true agenda. And second, know that she will one day tell people that “the nicest thing he ever did for me was to walk out the door.” Please, take some time to examine your own heart and soul before you get involved with another woman.